We produce here just a few words from The Book of Feelings by Rachel “Pinky” Lomini, age 17, Riverhead Correctional Facility 6/08.
Who am I?? What am I?? What is my purpose for living on this earth? Inside I’m lost running everyday away from the truth, away from the reality of my life! I find myself dreaming more than anything else. Life is so hard - dying seems the easiest thing to do in life! Living is hard! Finding myself is even harder. Where do I start looking? In the mirror seems the best place since the reflection of yourself is staring back at you wondering the same thing, asking the same questions! I don’t have answers for my reflection and the person staring back at me has no answers for me! It seems like every time we meet the relationship gets more distant, like I know less about the girl in the mirror than I did the last time! I’m very unhappy with her, or is she just unhappy with me? Yesterday she asked me if I loved her and in response I looked quietly, not saying anything. That was a hard question. She never asked me anything so deep before. Love between us two was never mentioned. I don’t know how to love her. From experience, love hurts. When I love someone they always walk out of my life or don’t love me back. I wasn’t ready to love her. I might not ever love her! Finally I answered her saying we have to take things one day at a time. I can’t love someone I don’t know.
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